I love me, I think I’m grand.
I sit in the movies and hold my hand
I put my arm around my waist,
And when I get fresh, I slap my face!

My dad taught me that kooky little verse when I was a child. The visual images it conjured always made me laugh, but the words also conveyed the notion that loving yourself is silly and narcissistic. And the idea that you might love yourself enough to go to the movies alone was downright pitiful!

That poem still makes me smile, but for a different reason. I have grown to like myself, even to love myself. It has taken years, but now I embrace this truth: to fully receive love from others, I have to give it to myself. Self love may not mean sitting in a movie theatre holding your own hand, but it does mean seeing yourself as worthy of your own tenderness, care and affection.

When I ask myself what love feels like to me, I always think of the word “cherish”. It’s an old-fashioned word, but it resonates with a sense of affirmation and acceptance. It means “to hold or treat as dear.” When you are cherished, you are given innate value and respect. You are treasured. So how can we give ourselves that kind of love? You must begin with the awareness that self-love is essential to full personal development. Low self-esteem is an enormous barrier to giving and receiving love. If you don’t love yourself, you give love from neediness, and you don’t feel worthy of receiving it.

Here are seven practical actions to give love to the beautiful, unique person that you are:

1. Write It Down. It’s so easy to focus on all that is wrong with us or ways we have failed ourselves. We become our own television news program, focusing on the tragedies but never reporting the good. That thought pattern only reinforces a negative self concept. So switch gears. Go buy yourself a beautiful journal and starting writing. Start every day by writing down the qualities that you and others admire about you. Write down your success stories, no matter how trivial. Write down your acts of kindness and generosity. Write down how you forgive yourself. Just the act of writing these things is an act of love.

2. Make It Right. If you have done something wrong, go make it right. It’s hard to love yourself when you haven’t honored your own integrity and values. If you have hurt someone or made a mistake, apologize. If you have taken something, give it back. If you harbor a grudge, release it. Then forgive yourself and move on. Become free of the burden of misguided actions that cause shame and guilt and hold you back from loving yourself.

3. Honor Your Body. Do yourself a favor. The next time you are in a crowd, take a good look at everyone around you. Most folks are not fashion model beautiful. In fact, most have faces and physiques that are far from perfect. We are inundated with images of physical perfection in the media, but the reality is so far from that. In fact, our imperfections make us more real and approachable. You may not adore every aspect of your physical form, but honor it anyway. Treat it with respect through healthy eating, enough sleep, moderate exercise, and self care. If you are feeling particularly loving, take that body of yours for a massage or a facial or a dance class. And stop looking at magazines!

4. Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First. Great advice on an airplane but it applies to loving yourself too. You must put your own essential needs first. For multi-tasking, care-giving women, that sounds extremely selfish, but it is quite the opposite. My essential needs are getting enough sleep, eating healthy, spending time with friends, doing something creative, having time alone, and having a peaceful environment. If those needs aren’t met, then I am depleted and irritable. I have very little left to give to others. Take a moment to define your essential needs and integrate them into your daily life. Make them non-negotiable, even if others moan and complain. They will come to respect you more for respecting yourself.

5. Have Fun! Life can be quite serious and task-oriented. We have our routines. We deal with conflicts and personal struggles. The patterns of life become monotonous and stale. When life was less complicated, having fun was spontaneous and natural. Now you might need to plan it, but work it back into your life. We have a finite number of days on this Earth. Spend them joyfully, with lots of laughter and even some silliness. Life doesn’t have to be so serious. Give yourself the gift of fun!

6. Be Still and Know Yourself. Give yourself time to be still and go within. Whether through prayer, mediation, yoga, or time in nature, find a way to quiet yourself, your busyness, and your constant thoughts. Be still, breathe and listen – for the voice of God, your own inner wisdom, or the sounds of nature. It is during these times that we gain creative insights and deeper understanding of ourselves. At the very least, the practice will bring you a sense of peace and calm and has many positive health benefits.

7. Go to the Movies and Hold Your Hand. So we are back to this. Grow to be comfortable in your own skin. Become your own best friend and advocate. Define your life consciously – what’s important to you, your values, your passions, and your needs. Hold your own hand tenderly, gently pulling yourself forward toward the life you want to live. In spite of all outside pressures and obligations, put yourself first. Fill your own tank. Give love to yourself unconditionally, and then spread it around to others. Now, go enjoy the movie!

by Barrie Davenport